How I acquired fascinated with “MLB: The Present” by plunging a rest room
The latest version of the baseball online game “MLB: The Present” comes out pretty quickly.
For the previous couple of years, when “The Present” comes out, I’ve writen a put up right here about how a lot I take pleasure in it. Partially as a baseball fan, but additionally as an grownup, then nearing and now 50, who performs with youngsters’s toys. Toys that value $60 a 12 months. One tends to consider such issues, and surprise in the event that they’re a ridiculous buy.
(They’re going to have a Negro Leagues characteristic this 12 months, with quick documentaries about completely different gamers, adopted by recreation situations the place you’ll be able to mash buttons comparable to key video games in these gamers’ careers. That is too superior, and makes me assume $60 is sort of price not placing that $60 in direction of, say, meals.)
It’s struck me that, for some years now, I’ve offered free promoting, for a online game firm that by no means gave me something. So this 12 months, I’m completely begging for a free copy. Or I received’t reward “The Present” once more. I imply it! Heed my phrases, San Diego Studios, and despair!
Right here we go, my whole “The Present” gross sales pitch! It’s a narrative. Cuddle up, youngsters, it’s a narrative.
So one time my studio house lavatory ceiling began leaking.
In 2010, the longer term Mrs. James was staying over, and we heard this “drip…drip…drip” as we had been going to sleep.
I checked the taps. Kitchen, off, lavatory, off. Have to be a kind of bizarre outdated house wall pipe noises (the constructing is over 100 years outdated, and had been the primary resort in St. Paul with electrical energy). Return to mattress.
Dripdripdripdrip it was getting quicker.
OK, it’s coming from the lavatory ceiling above my bathtub. Undoubtedly some form of pipe challenge. I’ll name about it within the morning.
Then, a gradual drizzle.
At this level, the paint above my bathtub has sagged like an inverted Metrodome roof, and there’s water slowly pouring out of it.
There’s no live-in supervisor on web site, so I name the property proprietor. One Jeff DeLisle.
“How’d you get my quantity! It’s unlisted!”
“I’ve the web, you’ll find anyone. This leak is an actual downside.”
“Properly, go up there and knock on the door of the room upstairs!”
I am going upstairs, and knock on the door. Nothing. I can hear “Madden 2010” being performed, loudly, so I bang on the door with extra fervent insistency.
This man solutions. Some early-20s dude who appears like a roadie for a white funk band. He’s baked out of his rattling thoughts. Fully fried. I clarify the scenario. Repeatedly. It takes him some time to get it. He exhibits me his lavatory. It’s completely stuffed with water, as is the carpet exterior his lavatory door.
Apparently, he had a messy #2, and it required a number of wipes, and this clogged the bathroom. So he simply stored flushing and flushing. In the event you hold flushing, ultimately it should all go into the flush gap, was his logic. The bathroom flowed over. As they are going to.
I name the proprty proprietor once more. I’m informed, “properly, go plunge his rest room!”
“With what? I don’t have a plunger.”
“The comfort retailer on the underside flooring is open till midnight. Go purchase a plunger!”
Amazingly, the comfort retailer does have plungers (the immigrant cashier is kind of amused by the story), and I plunge this man’s rest room, and name the proprietor. As a result of this poop water remains to be drizzling into my bathtub by the reversed Dome roof of ceiling paint.
“Inform him to dry it up. He can use towels. Or a hair dryer.”
(Completely baked man wielding high-voltage hair dryer on standing water. Nice concept.)
So I inform the upstairs man. He says “OK.” Goes again to Madden. I discover the graphics look actually good on his widescreen TV. I make a psychological notice of this.
I lay again down with Mrs. James and we drift to sleep, the ceiling drizzle having returned to dripdripdrip. It has slowed.
THE ENTIRE BATHROOM ROOF CAVES IN
There’s rotted wooden and drywall and brown water all over the place. The toilet appears like any person set off a shit grenade within the ceiling.
“Um, I’m going house,” Mrs. James says. “However name me and let me know the way it works out.”
The DeLisle firm nonetheless owns that constructing. (Jeff DeLisle retired. His son, Jeff Jr., is approach worse. I don’t stay there, anymore.) The comfort retailer remains to be there, though it isn’t open till midnight now.
That absolutely baked Madden flusher? Most likely evicted, I dunno. Possibly runs a hedge fund, now. I’ve to say I used to be offended he didn’t provide me any of his stash — I did plunge his rest room. Correct ganja etiquette says you at the least make the provide. I might have mentioned “no thanks,” I’m actually extra of a beer man than a weed man, however it could have been well mannered. I’m plunging your poop, dude, and I’m with a girlfriend downstairs.
(Who, fortuitously, has by no means cared about how fancy my life accoutrements have been… that’s one thing solely a few of my in-laws, on each side, have been snotty doofi over.)
As it’s, all I acquired was a glimpse of a cool-looking widescreen TV with Madden 2010 on it.
I’d kinda all the time wished to purchase a widescreen TV, and see how cool my DVD assortment or a baseball online game appeared on it.
So I purchased one. And acquired “The Present.” The DVDs appeared cool. Nonetheless do. “The Present” appeared cool. Nonetheless does.
Now, “The Present” folks, can I get a comped copy? Free promoting! Put up this hyperlink in your web site! SEND ME A TOY!